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Its Just Me
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7th-Sep-2009 06:06 pm - moving forward
Well I've had my gallbladder surgery. Got that one checked off my list. It wasn't as bad as I was afraid of. Now I need to see about my wrist and get that fixed hopefully. In the mean time I'm going to work on keep losing weight.

I'm also going to start searching for a house to buy. I'm very tired of apartment living. I had a new neighbor move in upstair this weekend and I've been waiting for the inevitable noises. I've already had to deal with the stomping around and droping things on the floor at all hours. I'm waiting for the music to start filtering down next. It makes me all nervous and anxious because I hate, HATE hearing other people's music through the walls. Plus today I go to take some trash out and find the new neighbors have installed their sattelite dish on the ground next to my patio and have tied it to my patio support without my permission. Thanks a lot guys! So much for hanging my Christmas lights there this year.

So I really, really need to find a house to keep my nerves in check. I'm going for something below $75K with a fireplace and garage. Hopefully in a fairly good neighboorhood. In a way I wish I could buy a lot and build from scratch to get what I want, but that isn't likely. Its going to be hard to find something decent for that price. If only I didn't have the stupid student loans, then I could afford better. Oh well. Have to do with what I have.

The other struggle I have is Mom wants to live with me. I keep trying to tell her that won't work. If she lived with me who would watch after her when I'm at work or if I have to have another surgery? Who would take her to doctors or to the store? She doesn't seem to realize that for her to get what she wants, my life has to go on hold, again. And I can't get other surgeries or other things done in my life that I need to. No, that is one option that won't work. I just don't know how to explain it clearly enough to her without hurting her. I feel selfish in this and I may be wrong, but shouldn't I have the right to live my own life?
16th-Aug-2009 01:01 pm - Interesting Update
I haven't posted anything in a while and I thought I should.

Update of things going on. My gallbladder surgery is scheduled for September 3rd and I'll be glad to get it over with. Its starting to cause me some serious pain. I hope I can hold out until then to get it taken care of. I have our company picnic to work at and help organize the weekend before. I really need to be there for that. Hopefully I can make it until then.

On my hand I went back to Dr. Howard after the MRI and he confirmed it is Kienbock's disease stage 3-4. He said he couldn't do anything to help me and I should just 'live with it'. I asked him 'uh well if there is not enough blood flow, won't the bone continue to disintegrate and get worse?' He said probably. Heck no, I'm not going to just live it! So I've got a appointment to see another doctor at the end of September that is supposed to be one of the best. I was really supposed to see him first off, but I went on a recommendation of a coworker and saw Howard instead. Stupid me.

We got the recertification on Mom so she will have the funding to stay in the assisted living for another year. Whew! I'm so glad and relieved. I couldn't even imagine trying to move her right now with everything going on.

I've discovered, with the help of my friends, a new book series that I am in love with called House of Night. Its written by PC and Kristen Cast. They live in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma and they set the story there and in Tulsa, OK. It makes it all the more interesting and fun to read a story and recognize different locations or events that are local. Its another vampire story. I think I’m getting into a trend here between this and Twilight. But I really love them and can’t wait for the Cast team to put out another book in October. I’ll be right at the door the day it comes out. Okay, well not really, but soon after.

I’m all excited to see the New Moon movie in November too. A second trailer has been leaked and you can find it on youtube.com if you look hard enough. It shows more of Jacob and action sequences. It looks awesome. I think a friend of mine and I are going to the midnight showing on opening night if we can get tickets.

I’ve also been reading a lot of fanfic from Twilight and House of Night on fanfic.net. There are so many good author’s and story tellers out there. Some of my favorites on the site even get a bit racy. Okay a lot racy, but like our minds didn’t go there in Breaking Dawn. Haha. One of my friends thinks I should write one. I’m playing with the idea, but I don’t know. I used to like to write in school, but I haven’t in a long, long time. Maybe, we will see. Anywho, I highly recommend the site to those that want to continue the story or have a hard time waiting for the next book or movie to come out. Its lots of fun.

Speaking of, I had one of the weirdest and yet good dreams I’ve had in a while. I think it may have come partly from reading all this fanfic, although I’m not sure how Harry Potter got into it since I haven’t done anything with that lately. It seemed to be a cross between Harry Potter, Twilight and House of Night. Me and this other girl that was pretty like Rosalie from Twilight were tending to a injured friend who was either Harry Potter or Edward (I think more Harry Potter although I like Edward better really). Rosalie character was very snobbish and didn’t do much to take care of him. She kept saying how she loved the guy and he was her boyfriend no matter what. Meanwhile I’m running around taking care of him. At some point Rosalie girl finally leaves the room or something. While taking care of making sure he is comfortable by giving him more pillows to lean back on I whisper to him that I love him too, but I know given the choice that the beautiful Rosalie girl would probably make him happier because she is beautiful and that I understood. Then he reaches over and gives me the sweetest, warmest kiss that feels like the best way I can describe it is home. I’m surprised but happy. He whispers to me that it is me that he loves and not this other girl. I sit down on the bed next to him and ask him why. He says because I love him and care for him and take care of him and treat him better than she ever did and just cause. Of course I melt. *sigh* Then for the rest of the dream the other girl is not there. The guy is pouring over spell books and trying to find something. I ask him what he is looking up. He said he accidentally conjured up Bram Stroker and needs to find a way to get rid of him before he hurts someone. I tell him, ‘Well there must be a counter spell to the one you cast before.’ He is stunned and says he didn’t think of that before. I pick up the book he had used before to cast the spell with accidently. I ask if there is an index to the book and he says yes. We start to look up the information, but then hear this loud ‘Thud, Thud’ coming from the stairway outside his door. I look out from his door that was part way open for some reason, and I see Bram Stroker walking up the stairs to come get us. I close the door and lock it and we start to search even faster for the counter spell. Then…………my cell phone went off in the real world and woke me up. Sucks to have dreams interrupted doesn’t it. It felt so strong though. Wish I could go back to it and find out what happened. I wish I could do that with a lot of dreams. Go back and start where it left off or was interupted. Oh well.

So that's my latest. Gotta go run and get some stuff for Mom. Latter.
21st-Jul-2009 08:14 pm - Armed, Dangerous, and Funny
So a couple of weeks ago someone tries to break into my apartment while I am here. Actually I was playing on my computer and I hear what sounds like someone trying to open my front door. I get a bit scared. I grab my Xena sword and one of my dagers, ironically just like I did in a dream I had one night. Well when the door doesn't open I hear this guys voice as he walks around to my patio and sits in my chairs. He talks on and on. My thoughts are 1.)He's talking to someone. 2.)He's crazy and talking to himself. 3.)He's high or drunk and talking to himself.

Since he continues and doesn't leave I grab the phone and call security since I don't know who this guy is and its freaking me out. Security message system picks up and asks me to leave a message detailing my problem. I do. I wait a few minutes. No one comes and the guy is still sitting out there talking to whomever. So I call security again and leave another message.

Finally just a couple of minutes latter security comes pounding on my door. I go to my door, not sure of who it is at first, fully armed. I open the door with swords in hand but pointing downward, and you should have seen the poor security guard. He looked scared witless. He says to me "Maam please put down the swords." I appologize and put them down. He asks what is going on and I tell him. He says "So what do you want us to do with him." I'm like "I don't know just get rid of him. He's freaking me out." So he tells me to lock my door and he goes around to talk to him.

He gets the guy to leave and then comes back to talk to me. Before I open the door he says "Please do not come to the door with the swords in hand." I don't and I appologize again. I tell him "Hey single girl here just trying to protect herself." He tells me I should get pepper spray.

Yeah, like some drunk or drugged up crazy would even take notice of pepper spray if hit him with it. Some military guys are actually trained to ignore it. I'll stick with my swords thank you. At least I know they can cause damage without killing someone. Not that I would want to unless I had to.

It turns out the guy was actually drunk and just was at the wrong building. I don't think he will be coming back. And I don't think that poor security guard will ever forget me. LOL
3rd-Jul-2009 12:19 am - Complicated
Just when I think my life may settle down or couldn't get anymore complicated it does.

I have known for some some time I was going to need gallbladder surgery ever since they did the test on my last September and found out my gallbladder was 30% dead. I had been trying to put it off as long as possible. Partly because I hate surgeries. Mostly though so I could take care of my Mom and make sure she was in a good place first. Now its causing me real pain, so I know its got to be taken care of. I plan on talking to the surgeon on July 7th and finding out when I have to do this.

But then a complication arises. My right hand, which is my writing hand, has been hurting since I went to this party where I didn't know many people and shook hands as I met them. I didn't think much of it at the time. Figured tendonitis or something and that is what the doctor said it was at first. When I saw him about the gallbladder I told him it wasn't getting better even though I was keeping it in a brace and it had been 2 months. He finally took an x-ray. Today he calls me and tells me it Avascular Necrosis. In other words I did something or something happened to fracture part of the bone or seperate it from the blood supply so part of the bone is dying. From the research I could find online it said it could eventually cause the bone to collapse if left untreated. Great... {sigh}. So he says I must have surgery to repair it.

The really bad part is I don't have enough leave to cover both things and both have to be done. I wish they could do both at the same time and get it over with. I hate surgeries and I hate pain. You know its funny (strange) when you think about it. When I was little I dreamt of being a superhero and saving people and doing good. Instead I'm the opposite. I'm one of the most messed up, handicapped, physically weak people I know. Superhero I'm not!

The whole thing is kind of scary too. With surgeries I've had in the past I've had my Mom to help me and take care of me after. I'm really on my own now. Mom can't drive and is too weak or sick most of the time to be able to do much for me. I'm on my own. Just getting home from the hospital might be a challenge. Its hard being alone and no husband, boyfriend or family to count on. Don't get me wrong, I know I have friends, but I know they have their own lives to worry about.

To top it off I think Mom may be losing it mentally. She has been doing some really weird and paranoid things lately. She as even got some of the assisted living staff mad at her and she has only lived there a couple of months. Ugh! I told her she better behave because we don't have the money to move her again and my stress level couldn't possibly take it.

Oh and what's more Mom is trying to sue or get my oldest sister arrested because she sold the oldest part of the village that used to be Mom’s. But Mom passed it to her for her to set up in Pennsylvania years ago. She is just so obsessed with the stupid thing because it was the only happy, non-abusive memories she had of her father. I can understand why, but what I resent is that she let her love of this material thing come in between our so called family and the fact she seemed to love it more than her own daughters. Material things fade and crumble. Family is supposed to stick and be together. Not in her head apparently. I'm trying to talk Mom down with some success. I think letting her know Renee will use the crazy/Alzheimers card if pushed to it may have settled her down. Mom is so scared of everyone knowing and looking at her weird.

I’m really hoping all this drama doesn’t mess up my July. I’ve got plans to go see the Selman Bat Watch at the Alabaster Caverns. You have to apply and get chosen for that a month in advance. I have things for work that have to be done. And most of all I really want to have a nice birthday celebration. Its not a momentus birthday, but I’m inviting any friends that want to come. All I ask is I know they are coming so I can count heads and prepare. I’m debating between bowling, dance party at Teaze Dance and Fitness where one of my friends teaches, swimming party by renting a pool center, dinner and movie party, or something else. I want to pick something everyone will have fun with. I’m even willing to pay for part of it so I know cost isn’t an issue. The best present in the world to me is being with my friends and making them happy. I get the best joy by making others happy and seeing them smile. I really need that now too. I’ve been getting a bit depressed at times about not having someone. I even realized the other day that its been 4 years since I’ve been kissed. Honestly, I’m not sure I even remember how. Sad isn’t it?. I’m such an affectionate person that it almost hurts that I haven’t been able to be that affectionate to anyone in that long. Mom used to joke that I used to run around kissing everyone when I was little. I don't remember that, but I guess that proves I've always been very affectionate. Well in the mean time I will keep in my little Twilight book romantic fantasies and get what happiness I can from making others happy. That will sustain me for a while. I hope.

Hopefully, nothing else major or dramatic will happen for a while.
16th-Jun-2009 09:36 pm - Art Question
So as my Mom has decided to get rid of stuff I've tried to get the most I can for it, but yet just get rid of the things so I can have some room to breath. Well one thing my Mom has recently decided to get rid of is a very nice charcoal sketch of a horse that my sister gave her as a present many years ago. Mom is not happy with my sister right now because she found out my sister sold her portion of the village. The portion my Mom grew up with. Its a long sorted story, but basically Mom doesn't want to give the sketch back. She wants me to sell it.

The sketch was done by a woman named Ann Post at a National Horse Show in Arizona. That's the most I know about it. I've tried to look up the artists name without any success. Anyone have any ideas where I could find a true value or get maximum dollar for this? I'd hate to sell it at work for $10 to find out later it could have been worth a lot more.
29th-May-2009 08:57 pm - Dukes of Hazard
Okay, anyone that knows of my driving can say I occassionally drive like I'm in the Dukes of Hazard. Well not really. But I have been known to hit a certain hill a little too fast and fly just a tiny bit. Well I was totally awestruck to walk out of work today and find THE GENERAL LEE across the street. Could have been a replica, but it sure looked like the real thing. It was so sweet! I'll try to include a pic. I swear if I walk out the door someday and KITT is sitting in front of me I will probably faint.
14th-May-2009 07:08 pm - Words
Once again Mom and I got into another yelling match that ended with her stating she wished I hadn't been born, again. Its getting so hard to be patient with her anymore. All she wants to do is be negative and say negative things about people. I get tired of hearing it. I know she does it for attention and because she is depressed. I try just to listen, but I've gotten so I have a hard time just listening to it anymore. Plus she demands I do everything that she wants right now like some two year old. It doesn't matter that I've been sick with bronchitis, that I have to work a job or that I have other things I need to do. She wants it NOW and if I don't get it for her she yells and screams like a brat.

Ugh!!! I don't know I have the patience for this.
2nd-May-2009 09:36 pm - Orlando
So I was gone to Orlando this last week. It was fun, but I'm oh so glad to be home in my own bed. I'm just so spoiled by my select comfort air bed that any other bed just doesn’t do it for me. The bed in the Doubletree hotel was better than most, but the pillows sucked! They were those ones that look all fluffy and soft, that is until you lay your head on them and they became flat as a pancake. No support at all. I woke up with a bad head and neck ache several times. I tried to ask for other pillows, but they said they didn’t have any. Next time I take my own.

But I get ahead of myself.

I left out Sunday very early and drove to Tulsa to fly out of their airport. I did this so I could attend a friend’s wedding at the end of the week. An interesting adventure. I don’t know Tulsa at all and I’ve never been to their airport so that was different. I know Will Rogers airport like the back of my hand after spending almost an entire summer there volunteering to greet and send off the 89 Olympic festival athletes. The Tulsa airport was easy enough to get through. I was a little worried when they said I would have to climb the stairs to get on and off the first plane. I’m used to the gateways they normally have. I could usually make it up the stairs with some pain, but I had hurt my wrist a couple weeks back and even with a brace on it I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to pull myself up. That would be very embarrassing. Thankfully I made it okay.

The drive up and the flight was all very enjoyable, minus some kids screaming. I have to thank one of my friends for that. Audio books ROCK!!! I had devoted part of this work/vacation to rereading the Twilight Saga again (okay I’m obsessed I admit it, but hey it’s a better get away from my reality than getting drunk or stoned), so I got the 1st book from the library. I listened to it all the way there and even a few nights in the hotel. Thankfully they had clock radio’s with mp3 player hookups. It was awesome!! I quickly had wished I had the other three audio books saved when I ran out of the first, but I just went back to the old form.

When I got to the hotel I stayed in and crashed for the evening. The weather was beautiful there all week. Very warm, but very low humidity. It wasn’t as sticky as I thought it would be. Monday was my day to have fun. I had a great view out my 17th floor hotel window that showed the Universal theme park. I was debating between there and Disney World, but since Universal was so close and the transportation there was free unlike it would be to Disney, I figured it was the better choice. (Plus I was secretly hoping there would be a Knight Rider exhibit so I could make up for the stupid mistake years ago when I didn’t sit in KITT because I felt like an idiot.) I took the first bus over early in the morning. They explained to us that we had to go up an escalator and over this bridge into the first part of the park called CityWalk. Basically it’s a place of night clubs and restaurants. You don’t have to have a ticket to get in and its great for the nightlife. They even have a huge movie theatre. Only makes sense since it is Universal. I asked where my ECV (scooter) could be found hoping it would be at the entrance to this section. They said no I would have to walk to the main park section itself. A good quarter mile walk or more I would say. They kept saying I could rent a regular wheelchair and upgrade. It didn’t seem to dawn on them that I had no one to push me so what was the point of that. I made the walk over to the main gate. It wasn’t as bad as I feared. I was glad to have the ECV when I got it though.

I went into the Islands of Adventure part first. It had the Hulk coaster as well as some pretty awesome rides. I wanted so bad to go on the Hulk coaster. Just the sight of it made me giddy. The park was smart though. They had example seats out so people that were large like me could see if we would fit before we got on and got embarrassed. I’m grateful for that. Sure enough I didn’t fit well into the seat and had to pass that by. I did get to ride other rides though including Spiderman, Poseidon, Jurassic Park and some others. Spiderman was very surprising. It was a lot like a roller coaster. Mostly a special affects 3-D thing but they had the cart wheel and roll around that it felt like a roller coaster. What really got me was the 3-D part. I’ve never been able to see 3-D before. With my crossed eye all I had been able to see was blurry sections on the 3-D parts. It still looked somewhat like a blur, but I could see more of it than I had been able to see in the past. I wonder if my eyes are getting better even more than I thought they had.

Another thing I got to do in this park was evaluate a new tv show. A survey person came up to me while I was in the park and asked me if I’d like to preview it and answer some questions. I’ve always liked giving feedback and thought it might be fun so I went for it. When I got in their little room I found out for my trouble I was going to get paid $15. I thought ‘Hey I get to watch a tv show, have fun, be in air conditioning and get paid?! Wohoo!’ Its called Lost and Found. Its about a cop that solves crimes by getting into the head of the victims. When she goes a little overboard on a case she gets rubber gunned, or demoted basically. She has to go to the basement and work with this sick, perverse old cop on cases of unidentified homicides. At first she is very resistant. Then she gets into it and finds she is good. Very good. They solve a case in record time and with a lot of dry wit humor along the way. All in all it was a great preview. I can’t wait to see if it really does come out this fall. I hope it does. Its much better than some of these other same old crime dramas that are out there. Especially getting to hear her inner monologues. So I answered their survey and got paid $15 cash. Not bad for one hour.

Went on several more rides and saw some exhibits. I was proud of myself for not spending a bunch on stupid souvenirs I didn’t need. But then I hit this one section that was supposed to be the Atlantis section. By the way right next door is going to be the Harry Potter section and rides due to open in 2010. I’m stoked about that. It looked like a huge section. Anyhow, in this themed section they had a few medieval stores. Well I couldn’t not stop in here. One of the most beautiful suits of armor I’d ever seen in the very front. They had some of the expensive, usually only in catalogue, swords. They had where you could get your name done on plaques with your coat of arms. And then I saw something I really wanted. I had to cave. Engraved glassware with MY coat of arms. I had them find mine and I ordered a set of 4. Wish I got a set of 6 or 8 now. They will look so cool. I have to wait about a month, but I’m excited. I will be the envy of all my medieval loving friends (okay not really). I wanted to buy a Robin Hood themed dagger too, but I was doubtful they would let that on the plane. Even in the checked luggage.

So once I was done in the one park I went to the next. The movie part of the park. I had splurged on myself and got the 2 park VIP Express ticket. Very expensive, but it was worth it. No matter where I went I got near the head of the line due to it. The movie side was fun. Sadly no Knight Rider exhibit, but they did have the Delorian and the train from Back to the future. I didn’t go on a couple of the rides I had heard they were good because I heard you got gooey stuff sprayed on you from people leaving them. I preferred not to do that. Another ride I wanted to do, but couldn’t was from the Mummy movies. I got on it, but sadly my stupid fat stomach wouldn’t let the bar go down far enough so they had to kick me out. How embarrassing.

One ride that was totally awesome was Twister. It was based off of the movie shot in our state. One of my all time favorite movies. I went into the gift shop first. Of course there were cow’s everywhere. You know because of the line ‘Cow. Another cow. I think that was the same one.’ I can’t blame them I guess. Even our severe storms lab building has a restaurant called the ‘Flying Cow Cafe’. I hated there were Wizard of Oz items in there though. Only one set of shelves, but still. That had nothing to do with the movie or Oklahoma. I wanted to get a Twister t-shirt. My other indulgence, but sadly they didn’t have my size. I joked with the cashier for a while and told him my personal twister experience from May 3rd. He seemed awestruck by it. Invited him down to Norman sometime to see the lab and the real props and gadgets from the movie. So then I went into the ride. Thankfully I got to take my ECV. Why I say that is I had to wait a long time for it to start. I was the first to go in and they had to build up a mass of people before it started. The room I waited in with the others was decorated to look like a house that had hit by a tornado and everything was scattered around. There were sound affects of a cat meowing and a dog barking and a scary wind blowing (which sounded scarily like the May 3rd tornado I had experienced) and creaking floor board sounds. It kept repeating and repeating while we waited. At one point after the dog bark sounds I wanted to yell Aunt Meg’s line ‘Get Bose for me. I think he’s a little shaken up.’ (yeah I know this movie too well, lol). So once we had enough people little monitors in the room fire up and Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt are on. They give a little behind the scenes story of when they were shooting the movie and how a tornado hit not far from where they shot. They gave some other small behind the scene’s tidbits. Then the show’s director motioned for me to come into the inner room and then have the other’s come in. We were all on this metal platform under this metal awning. The scene we looked at was from in the movie where they are at the drive in theatre. If you’ve seen it you know what I mean. They start out with rain failing and then what looks like streaks of lightning in the background. Its hard to see but it looks like the F5 from the tornado is heading towards the movie screen. A bolt of lightning splits a fake tree. Then you see this tornado forming smack dab in front of you. I knew it was fake. There was a grate below and I’m sure the wind was forming between that and the window, but it looked sooo real. Real enough to get my heart pounding, and I’m not impressed with rides or special affects easily. Then the drive-in movie sign is picked up and lands in the middle of the garage. A gas tank explodes and you feel the fire as well as the wind. The awning comes up above us and as the tornado disappears it crashes down shaking our area. Then Bill Paxton comes on and says thank you for riding Twister. It was very thrilling for a special affects show. I was very impressed.

There wasn’t a lot of people there due to Spring Break being over, but there was enough. It was pretty well handicap accessible minus the initial walk in and out. I got done with all I wanted to see and headed back. I didn’t stop to eat in the restaurants because the hotel people said it was all very expensive. Wish I had though. There was a Hard Rock Café, Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville, and a NASCAR restaurant as well as many others. I think the hotel food was even higher priced.

Tuesday was the start of the Lead-Based Paint and Healthy Homes Conference, the real reason I was there. It was okay. The second day held more information for me than the other days. Mostly I rested although I wished I had time to do more vacation stuff. I read a lot, went swimming in the hotel pool one day, and just relaxed. I really needed that most of all with everything I had been through. I was nervous a bit with all the storms going through home while I was away, but I had faith it would be okay. Mom called every single stinking day. She would not leave me alone for even one day. She came up with silly reasons to call. I dealt with it until my last day there. I told her I was going to bed extra early since my flight had me getting up at 2AM. But she called anyhow. I just let it go to voicemail.

Oh one little side note. Who knew Oklahoma had better sushi than a coastal state like Florida? To what I thought was my luck and surprise there was a Japanese steak house just on the other side of the hotel parking lot. I went over one night for dinner. It was awful. There tuna was a very light pink to almost grey. Not very fresh at all. I know that isn’t the summation of all sushi places in Florida, but still. Yuk! The next night I went to TGI Friday’s on the other side outside the hotel. Much better.

My flight back Friday was a bit bumpy with all the thunderstorms, but not bad overall. I went to the area where my friends wedding was going to be at. A beautiful glass building overlooking Keystone Lake and the forest around it. I was exceptionally early, which was good because I needed to change. I helped out where I could and then she got there. She was nervous as can be. I understood why. She worried about not herself, but how it would be for everyone else. I tried to let her know we all just cared about her being happy. As the evening progressed I think she got it. She was absolutely beautiful and her husband not bad either. One of my other friends, who I know will be reading this, was one of the bridesmaids. And she was absolutely gorgeous as well. It was a simple and beautiful ceremony. Sadly I had to go to the bathroom just at the time they cut the cake and popped the bubbly, darn it. So I missed that. It got late and since I had been running around since 2AM I thought I should head out. I wanted to get back to my own apartment and bed.

So that was my week on the road. I’m glad to have gone on the trip and get away for a while. Glad to be home. Not glad to have to deal with Mom again. She is already starting up with her surliness and bad attitude. I hate to say it, but I’m getting so I don’t care about hurting her feelings as much as I should. She angers me so when she does things she knows will hurt her like eating ice cream when the doctor said it could cause her more problems, but she does it anyhow just because she wants to. Its hard to be as empathetic with her as I used to be when she doesn’t seem to care how these things seem to hurt her or me. But I don’t want to become an unfeeling, uncaring monster. There are too many of those out there already. Its good to get a little detached I think so I don’t let her hurt me so much, but I have to be careful that I don’t become too hard.

Ahh, well back to reality. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll read or listen to more of my books. ;-)
19th-Apr-2009 09:07 pm - 5 words of description.
So it works like this. You comment that you want to participate, and I give you five words I associate with you. Then you write about these five words in your journal, and the ball keeps a-rollin'. So these are my five words from one of my friends.

being a party-girl

1.)Weather/meteorology: Well I do love weather stuff. I should have been a meteorologist I suppose. I can look at radar maps and get a feel for what is coming. Its just exciting to me. Especially severe storms and lightning. Tornados I could do without. They are fascinating, but I hate how other's lives are torn up by them. Someday I hope to go on a tornado chasing trip, but for now I will just be an arm chair meteorologist.

2.) Generosity: I do enjoy being generous. Its good to share I think and give to those that have less or nothing. I love to make people smile and make them happy, so that is another reason to be generous. I love it when I give someone something and their eyes light up and they smile. Giving joy and love is the best gift I can give.

3.) Christmas: I do so love Christmas time. Not only for the day itself, but the whole season. It’s a time of happiness and giving and lights. There is just a wonderful feeling to the season. Plus that is another time of year I get to give and get smiles in return. The lights and decorations are beautiful and there is just a great feeling of love in the air.

4.) Knights: The medieval times were so long ago and I think we gained a lot from the legends of the time. The idea of men being chivalrous to ladies. To the knights fighting for what is right. There is just something so romantic and enduring about that time period.

5.) Being a party-girl: Haha. I guess I am sort of. I didn’t get to party much growing up so in a few ways I make up for it now. Or would like to. I’m all for having a good time. I’ve had so much drama and bad times, that I will take any non-dangerous good time that I can get. Meaning no drugs or getting drunk or doing something that will get me hurt. But hanging out with friends and playing games or going out is just so great. The only bad part is I never want it to end. I hate when I have to leave or go home, back to the drama of my life. I would rather enjoy having fun. But oh well, I am responsible after all. Too responsible.

I might expand on this later, but for now here is my five words and descriptions.
17th-Apr-2009 10:11 am - Finished the Saga
Well I stayed up extrodinarily late last night to finish the Twilight Saga. I just couldn't stop. It was at a great point and I had to know the outcome. I'm just so sad now that its over. I thoroughly enjoyed these books more than I say I have any other. The story touched me and I can definitely identify with Bella.

It was just so wonderful. Stephenie Meyer really knows how to write so you can see each wonderful scene in your head and feel what the characters do. I wish I could contact Ms. Meyer somehow and say, please don't stop. Please continue the story. We want more. We want to know more of the Cullen family. What about the Volturi returning? What about Reneseme growing up and marrying Jacob? Would Nahuel get in the way? Would Bella's powers expand further? I know I could probably continue the story in my head and have my own version, but its not nearly as much fun. I do so hope she continues.

I saw on a web site (www.stepheniemeyer.com) that she planned on writting another book. Twilight from Edward's perspective. It was to be called Midnight Sun. Sadly someone of her inner circle let it leak and she is very angry about that. She posted what she had done up to that point, but said she won't finish it. I really hope she changes her mind. I read what she has posted and it is so great. I hope she does that and more and continues the story. It just doesn't feel finished yet. Not to me anyhow and I'm sure many others.

Of course I'm sure part of my regret of it ending is that I don't want to leave this fantasy world and come back to reality. These stories have helped me escape from my stressful world for a little while. I often times wish I was there. Wish I was Bella. I swear we are so much alike anyhow. She says and thinks just about what I would say and we match in other ways. I just wish I was as pretty as her. I wish I had a chance to help and protect my loved ones like she did. Vampire threats and all I would take it so that, like her, I could have the love of someone like Edward. Ah, but that's the thing. The love they have.

Still I wish the story wasn't over. Maybe I'll get lucky and she will come out with more. Even though I know the next movie will be partly painful to watch, I'm still looking forward to it. I'm glad I know the outcome from the book or it would be too much to watch. Its supposed to come out in November. I just hope the actor's portray better chemistry like in the book this time. It seemed too forced in the first movie. Not at all like the book.

In the mean time I guess I could try reading Stephenie Meyer's other book 'The Host'. I hear its just as good, but I can't imagine it. I might just read the saga again from the beginning.

Please Stephenie Meyer. Pleas don't stop writting about Edward and Bella. We want more.
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